Behind Closed Doors
by MaydayParadeFtw
Summary: There are a number of things that could happen to the Torchwood team. Just what kind of things? Series of snapshots based on all series. Janto, Gwys and maybe Towen.
1. Hungover Part 1

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Torchwood, if I did; Jack and Ianto would be locked in my room and wouldn't be allowed to come out until they made cute little man-babies! Mwahaa...

**Summary: **A series of short stories and oneshots on what the Torchwood team get up to in private.

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Jack slowly woke up to a banging head. It felt a bit like a percussion band playing inside his brain. The second thing he noticed was that there was a warm body next to him. He filtered through the foggy memories from yesterday and recalled that the Torchwood team were having a drink at the hub, they must have gotten a bit too drunk and... Oh. Well, anyway, Jack dragged himself groggily out of the warm double bed and began to stomp down the stairs sloppily in the familiar warmth of Ianto's house. However, his foot got caught behind the other and he tumbled down the stairs head first, almost breaking his neck. When he landed at the bottom with a loud thud, he groaned and rubbed his aching head. He heard a muffled noise from the top and peered up, squinting.

"Need help there, Jack?" Ianto deadpanned, mouth twitching.

"I wanted a coffee, I have a headache." Jack pouted.

"Well, you'll find the coffee machine in the kitchen, not at the bottom of the stairs," The pout deepened. Ianto chuckled and walked down the stairs, his hand outstretched towards the older male, "Come on, klutz."

Jack glared but took hold of the proffered hand, "Shut up, Yan." He grinned.

Ianto laughed again, Jack always acted childish and immature in the mornings. Add a hangover into the mixture and you get this.

"So... coffee?" Jack suddenly brightened and very nearly skipped into the kitchen.

**-**ooOoo**-**

"Come on, Jack." Jack grabbed his coat from where he flung it last night – on the floor next to the sofa – and sprinted out of the door after the Welshman. He nearly ran straight into the other, however, when he realised the younger man had stopped dead.

"Ianto?" Jack paced around him and saw what he was looking at, horror-struck. Jack gulped as he took in the SUV's appearance. There were several large scratches down the right side, as if they had brushed against something at a high speed. The right rear window was cracked, but that wasn't the worst of the damage. The front of the SUV was mangled into almost two separate pieces; it appeared as though you could fit a lamppost through the front of it. Jack felt a pair of stormy blue eyes burning a hole through his forehead.

"What. Did. You. Do?" Ianto forced out through gritted teeth. The Welshman began to advance on Jack with a dangerous expression. Jack was suddenly glad that Ianto didn't have his gun with him. He held up his hands in apology and backed away.

"Sorry, I was drunk I don't remember it!" Okay, so that was a lie. Still, a little white lie never hurt anyone right? Especially when Ianto was in a rampage and it was directed at you. Ianto in a rampage was **not **good. Ever.

Ianto turned away from his boss and ran a hand through his hair as he stared at, what was left of, the SUV. He began to mumble things to himself quietly. After a few seconds of this, Jack got curious.

"What are you doing?"

"Estimating how much it will cost to repair all of this."

"And?" Ianto let out a long string of profanities in Welsh. Jack cringed and watched as the younger man opened the driver's door, some broken glass crumbling to the floor.

"Were going in that?" Ianto raised his eyebrow.

"Do you see any other way we can get there in," Ianto checked his watch, "10 minutes?" An image of him on a cramped public bus swung into his mind. He quickly clambered in the passenger side. The older male opened his mouth to ask a question when Ianto cut him off.

"You think I would let you drive after one look of the SUV?" Jack quickly clamped his mouth shut and they drove to the Hub in silence.

**-**ooOoo**-**

Ignoring all the incredulous stares they got from everybody, the two males drove down near Roald Dahl Plass. What Jack saw next made him mentally facepalm. Ianto looked at all the scaffolding and builders and sped up towards the garage, parking the broken SUV in one of the many empty spaces. They both got out and walked out in silence, there was a pause, and then:

"You drove the SUV into the water tower?!"

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	2. Hungover Part 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood.  
Sorry I have been away for a while, holidays, writer's block, school, boys, meh.

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**Previously:**_ "You drove the SUV into the Water Tower?!"_

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Ianto waited for the cog door to roll open and walked through it swiftly. Jack followed hastily.

"Ianto, you know I was totally inebriated and... you didn't exactly stop me either."

Ianto sighed and rubbed his eyes, "I know Jack, but do you realise how much that's going to cost? Not to mention the repairs to the water tower." A familiar screech echoed around the Hub as Myfanwy called her greeting. Ianto and Jack both winced quietly as the sharp sounds invaded their sensitive ears.

"It's alright, her Majesty funds Torchwood anyway. I'm sure we can get a new SUV with better upgrades." Ianto looked weary but nodded. Jack suddenly looked around them.

"Where are the others? Do you think they made it home?"

"I doubt it-," Ianto was interrupted by a muffled groan coming from the boardroom. The two men looked at each other and simultaneously followed the sound. When they got there they found Gwen sprawled across one sofa, her hair mussed and tangled around her head, her clothing from the day before wrinkled and messed. She pressed a dainty hand to her throbbing head and only squinted up when she heard a familiar chuckle.

Jack advanced on her prone form, bent over and said louder than was necessary, "Gwen! How's my glorious ray of sunshine this fine morning?" The Welshwoman winced and pushed Jack away from her ear.

"Stop shouting Harkness, my head feels like it's going to explode," She mumbled, "What did you guys do after I passed out?" Jack grinned and turned to Ianto.

That's when he noticed that the younger male was staring at a totally different corner of the room, a small smile playing on his face. Confused, Jack followed his line of sight and came across one of the cutest scenes he had possibly ever seen in his long life. Owen was lay on his back across one sofa, one arm thrown over his eyes and the other wrapped around an equally asleep Toshiko Sato, who was happily using the medic's chest as a pillow. Their legs were tangled up together in a knot of limbs and even with their tussled hair; they still managed to look adorably perfect. It made Jack want to sing, dance and jump over rainbows in a meadow of fluffy white rabbits. Okay, not really. He wanted to go over and give them the fright of their lives. Jack grinned and eyed his sleeping prey. Before he could venture forward anymore, a firm hand on his chest stopped him.

"Wait a second, Jack. Before you spoil the moment let me go get something." The older male watched Ianto walk back down the stairs and return a minute later. He held up a silver digital camera.

"What's that for?" Ianto took some photographs at different angles.

"Just a reminder." Ianto replied.

"Mmhmm, sure," Jack looked at him, "Blackmail?" Ianto tried, and failed, to bite back a grin.

"Not so much Tosh than Owen though." Jack nodded, agreeing.

Ianto took one last picture and this time the flash went off. The searing bright light behind his eyes made Owen start awake, resulting in Tosh's squeak of surprise as she tumbled onto the floor less than gracefully. The two men stared at them.

"Oops." Ianto deadpanned. Jack frowned.

"That was my job." Myfanwy screeched again.

"Sorry, Sir." Jack opened his mouth to reply when a pained moan filled the room. Now both of Owen's arms were over his head as he risked a peek out from between them.

"Bloody hell, what the fuck did I drink last night?!" He heard a wince and looked down at the tech expert, "Y'alright Tosh?" Gwen came over, looking a bit better than she did before, and helped Tosh off the floor and onto the unoccupied sofa. They all looked up at Ianto. He rolled his eyes.

"Coffee, anyone?" They all nodded groggily. He had to smile at his ruffled teammates. Never before had they looked so unaware and hungover. Ianto went to the coffee machine and its gentle hum echoed around the Hub.

**- TW-**

When he returned with five steaming cups, the others were all situated around the large boardroom table. All but Jack (who was happily grinning around at them all) were holding their heads in their hands. Ianto smiled at the view and pulled out the camera from his pocket with one hand, balancing the tray precariously with the other, and took one picture. He thought he would print it and stick it up on a wall as a reminder of the consequences that were had when they let Jack mix alcohol.

Ianto finally entered the room and everybody gratefully reached for their mug. Once everybody was relaxed and the coffee had rejuvenated them a bit, Owen spoke.

"We all look complete and utterly smashed." Jack looked at the medic.

"You should see the SUV."

Ianto rolled his eyes. _Just another day at the office.

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**Sorry I've been away for a while. My bad. Please review! Any ideas or requests, send them me in a review or pm (:**


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